I recently lost someone in my life to alcoholism. It wasn’t a pretty death. He had been in his house, alone, for the past year, drinking. He didn’t start that way. He had been successful in business and he had a lot of friends, but in the end he was alone.
In college he was aways known as a big partier. In fact, his nickname was “Rotten Rob”. I hope you can infer how he got that nickname. He was always the one who partied the most and did the most atrocious things. It was fun to party with Rotten Rob when we were young. As an older adult, it was not so fun anymore. It became akin to babysitting or watching someone I loved drink himself to death.
When Rob was two-years-old his mother died traumatically, in front of him. This was back in the 1960s when most people didn’t see therapists. In his family, they chose not to mention his mother after she was gone. His father remarried and his stepmother wasn’t so loving towards him. The death of his mother was pre-verbal trauma; meaning he was too young to verbally express the pain he was in. Losing your mother, as a toddler, is probably the worst thing that can happen. With his new Mom he did not properly attach to her nor her to him.
In college he was aways known as a big partier. In fact, his nickname was “Rotten Rob”. I hope you can infer how he got that nickname. He was always the one who partied the most and did the most atrocious things. It was fun to party with Rotten Rob when we were young. As an older adult, it was not so fun anymore. It became akin to babysitting or watching someone I loved drink himself to death.
When Rob was two-years-old his mother died traumatically, in front of him. This was back in the 1960s when most people didn’t see therapists. In his family, they chose not to mention his mother after she was gone. His father remarried and his stepmother wasn’t so loving towards him. The death of his mother was pre-verbal trauma; meaning he was too young to verbally express the pain he was in. Losing your mother, as a toddler, is probably the worst thing that can happen. With his new Mom he did not properly attach to her nor her to him.
At the age of 14 Rob discovered he could numb his emotional pain with alcohol and drugs. Heading into college he was the best of the worst hence the nickname.
Throughout his adult life Rob choose alcohol and drugs over his wife and children. Eventually, he was alone. Although he left drugs behind he continued to drink excessively. His best friend and family were his booze.
Before his death, Rob was living in squalor, with only the. mice who had infested his house. One day he drove himself to the hospital with stomach pain. He hadn’t seen a Dr. In years. Once in the hospital he quickly deteriorated and was soon on life support, with failing liver and kidneys. For 17 days he laid there, unable to respond to anyone or to breathe or eat on his own. His children (who had been estranged from him) chose to take him off life support.
If Rob had chosen to heal the pain he carried from the age of two he would still be alive.
If Rob had chosen to heal the pain he carried from the age of two he would still be alive.
A high percentage of substance abuse derives from unhealed pain. The emotions are too overwhelming to deal with. As a coping skill the individual discovers the pain can be numbed with substance use. Soon, a substance abuse issue develops on top of trauma and other mental health issues.
In the case of Rob he would have needed dual-diagnosis treatment which would have treated his pain and mental health issues while concurrently treating his substance abuse dependence. Many tired to get him to get help but he never choose to heal. Instead, he died, estranged from his children, living in squalor.
Choosing to heal is choosing life. It isn’t easy and it isn’t always pretty but it is doable with the proper help and guidance. Choosing life and healing is a wonderful alternative to dying lonely, with a bottle of vodka. Choose life. Chose healing. Choose family and friends. Be well!
In the case of Rob he would have needed dual-diagnosis treatment which would have treated his pain and mental health issues while concurrently treating his substance abuse dependence. Many tired to get him to get help but he never choose to heal. Instead, he died, estranged from his children, living in squalor.
Choosing to heal is choosing life. It isn’t easy and it isn’t always pretty but it is doable with the proper help and guidance. Choosing life and healing is a wonderful alternative to dying lonely, with a bottle of vodka. Choose life. Chose healing. Choose family and friends. Be well!
